24-years-old and doesn't know what rectal sex is. But what she lacks in anatomy credits, she makes up for in... well... nothing. Even with green light for cornhole sodomy I don't think we'll be seeing the sequel to "Karens Krapper: Volume 1"
Women nowadays are scared to coast through a Dunkin Donuts drivethru without glazing their faces in 20 minute Youtube makeup tutorials. And then there's these girls... who run out of fucks to give after the 3rd Shirley Temple.
Droppin coin on porn? It's kind of the cool thing to do in 2021. But unlike the SIMP SQUAD, beta male blowout bullshit you see getting peddled by your favorite Twitch streamer - this place actually delivers. Think about signing up and ruining a few paychecks.
Funny how porn has evolved from basic penetration, into an ambitious race to see who's more willing to donate their genitals to medical research. She's Melody Marks and she just gave my wiener reason to watch The Walking Dead again.
Some will say this is in awful taste or porn of dead girls is weird and maybe they're right but this is like any other athlete or artist memorial montage. A cautionary tribute to the dead rockstars of porn. RIP. [song] [song] [24/7 support for all industry performers]
Here it is: Martin Scorsese of Japanese what are you doing step-bro? porn. My thoughts? Guillermo del Toro and his production company have some catching up to do. I don't know wtf I just watched but personally, I think he should find a way to cast the Olsen twins in the sequel and let the tapioca fly.
Tip of the Day:: Allowing any part of your body to find it's way in between a fully-enraged Tory Lane and a device that was designed to un-crust last night's Pinto Bean Soufflé isn't a constructive use of your time. You stand about as much chance of going home unscathed as a WSB does being profitable. [ Full Scene]
Round #2 in a series that showcases the authentic side of some of our most interesting citizens. I'm not exactly sure what life choices have to be made to end up here, but it probably has something to do with blue checkmarks and whatever they put in those Impossible burgers. [More, More]
Let's hope Japan's influence over the video gaming industry doesn't stop at jump rope nipples and the kind of lactating that could disrupt the dairy industry. Honestly, I had a fully torqued meat wrench going into that beefy 50/50 wakeup ultra combo at the end there. It's this kind of frame-perfect execution that separates winners from losers. Cyberpunk - TAKE NOTES. #kappa
It's kinda refreshing to know the cam-clam game has stayed relevant amongst the rise of OnlyFans popularity. Never forget the O.G. sex workers that paved the way via 56k modem bitrate and school libraries. Now let's go ahead and get these ladies under contract for the next Ghostbusters reboot. I smell Oscars.
You know what you get when you cast a guy that looks like he still gets the crust cut off his peanut butter and banana sandwiches? Believability mother fucker, that's what. Remove the Bangbros logo and scatter a few Star Wars Amibos in the background and I would have defended it's authenticity until the end of time.
Don't let the Twitch staff wardrobe and lack of muscle fiber fool you: This army of limp-wristed, mouth-breathing fun-seekers have reached their breaking point and shit just hit the fan water-cooled RTX 3080. Consider this a warning to all women that can fit in a rowboat.
It's like the girl with the super hip mom that totally supports her daughter getting ring-blasted by guys named after sports cars got a pep talk and couldn't wait to bring it on the grid iron. Then gets jobbed out like the 2008 Detroit Lions. A Karen of the Kum world if you will. TY for listening to my cunTED talk. [Full Scene]
Lemme tell ya somethin' brother - This level of misogyny is the worst there is, the worst there was and the worst there ever will be. WOO! It's a throat-ridin, food-flyin, becky-squealin, wheelin dealin son of a gun, and he's fixin to open up a whole can of whoop-ass on caucasian cornholes. And that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold Ray Black said so. [Full Scene]
Much like Tyler Perry going 30 seconds without filming a Medea movie, you can literally see the rage in this chick's eyes. Emphasis on the 0:34 mark with the realization that the $17.50 she just made will barely cover the Clearasil bill. [Full Scene Here]
warning: This is a different kind of disturbing than you're used to. Call it a divergence for this site, but sometimes you have to see the authentic side of something the industry as a whole parodies every day... and this interview proves it. [MORE]
The Rectum: Some men never experience contact with it. Others, speed-run it like a 3:00AM trip through the Burger King drive-thru. But judging by this specimen's cornhole pastaroni, I think it's a safe bet she follows Gordon Ramsay on TikTok. Happy Fuckin Holiday(s).
You know that feeling: When it's 0600 hours, the sun is shining, and you find yourself 4-inches deep inside the only girl that believed your story about using the same plumber as Zac Efron. In other words: Perfection. That is, unless Lucya "The Wolverine" Chernyshevsky is leader of the neighborhood watch.
Over the course of 15 years, I've tried saving the word epic for oddities that truly work for the definition. And let me tell you friends: If an emotional beat down of a daddy-issued ketamine-lifer doesn't earn it, the 4-inch race-rampage in the final act will lol. [MORE]
The downside of trying to get your nut off on a $7 dollar budget? This. Every fucking second of this video is why you should always save 10% of your sheckles and wait to splurge outside of the Black Friday Mental Hospital Manager's Special of expired street meat. #yick
And by experience, I mean one man blowing up his beer money on the kind of sexual endeavor that would shell shock a Vietnam war veteran. Speaking of blowing up: The only thing missing from that slaughter house between her legs is someone in the background screaming wUrLstAr and Floyd Mayweather coming out of retirement to fight it. [MORE]
Every girl has a breaking point. Apparently Ashley Lane's is the highest percentage capsaicincap·sa·i·cin / an active component of chili peppers; a chemical irritant / ointment money can buy. There's no unexpected martial arts but the line "guys are masturbating to your tears" is the kind of memory that lasts a lifetime. [MORE] [SONG]
Imagine reaching a point in your life where incest fantasies just aren't doing it for you anymore, so you unleash an even deeper mental illness and create some sort of hybrid, cabbage patch, mother-daughter serial killer, fuck dance home videos and think not hiding your identity is a good idea. This is that point.
I can't imagine how many family gatherings have been derailed thanks to the conversation that followed wearing one of these beauties to dinner. How the fuck are you supposed to multitask keeping grandma vertical AND explain this? Spoiler alert: You can't. A choice must be made.
